Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.I'm putting these together because I think I answered Day 4 pretty well in the last entry.
Although I'll add one more: student films. I got a film degree at a point in my life when I knew about kink, had already had kinky experiences, but at that particular point in my life I was mostly celibate. (Not out of kink-guilt. Partly because I'd just had a terrible breakup from a terrible relationship, partly because I didn't turn 18 and "legal" until halfway through my junior year, and partly because I had approximately zero social skills.)
I had no intention to make my final project kinky in any way. It wasn't about my kinks. It was just a horror film about a guy who joins a cult to try and raid their ill-gotten riches. But the cult "initiates" him by torturing him. A lot. Creatively. For most of the film. There's an entirely excessive number of "wait, we have to initiate you some more" scenes in the film. I figured I was just ramping up the horror, right?
...Oops. In retrospect, oops.
(Content warnings for the next bit: Statutory rape, emotional abuse, legal system fuckery.)
Day 5 happened when I was 16 years old. My boyfriend's parents were out of town for the weekend and we had the whole weekend and the whole house to ourselves, which is whoooa when you're 16. (Well, I don't know about you. It was for me.) We walked around the house naked the entire weekend, which was amazingly sexual at the time, even if nowadays it usually just means I'm feeling lazy as hell.
We had sex a bunch of times, but the last time on Sunday night, I asked him to spank me. I was all shy and stuff about it. And he did. He started out with little tippity-taps. "No, I want you to spank me," I said. So he wound up and did it for real, smacking me hard on the ass, over and over. I went from "um please just a little um you know um" to "FUCK YEAH FUCKING SPANK ME THAT'S FUCKING RIGHT." It was fantastic. I didn't want it to end. But when it did end, I tackled him and fucked the hell out of him.
That was the last time we had sex.* The next morning the police were there. My mom had reported me as a missing person, filed a restraining order against my boyfriend, canceled my scholarships and withdrawn me from my school. (The first two because I hadn't come home when commanded so she told the cops I'd disappeared for a week, the second two because I had a B average. GOD I LOVE BEING AN ADULT NOW.) My life utterly fell apart and wouldn't be back together for more than a year, the abuse at home peaked from "bad" to "how did I survive that?", and even though the restraining order was not upheld in court, my boyfriend decided I was not worth this level of trouble.
In retrospect, he wasn't worth my trouble either--he was way too old to be dating a 16-year-old and didn't exactly make up for it by treating me well. But that spanking. I don't regret that. That changed things. Forever.
*We did have sex one more time a couple years later, but it was thoroughly mediocre and rekindled absolutely nothing. I'd kind of caught on that he wasn't such a spectacular person by that point.